I am extremely upset and I'm having all of these emotions that I just, quite frankly, do not know how to deal with. My husband is so sure that he wants a divorce, and there is absolutely nothing that I can do to change his mind. None of it is about me at all, but I've been put into the middle of it and now I'm the one that is getting punished. Maybe I should be happy that it wasn't 30 years down the road, but honestly, nearly 12 years of my life spent dreaming with someone else is long enough and it does not make it any less painful. I cannot stop crying and now I'm just angry. I don't know where to go from here.

On the weight loss side of things, I made my 40 pound mark so that is something at least to be proud of. In the light of things, I don't even think about it much. I was so excited to fit into jeans that were three sizes smaller, but even that only lasted a few minutes. Nothing compares with how I'm feeling. Lord, I pray that I can find more clarity. I thought I found it, but obviously telling me to stay and fight is pretty pointless when I'm met with him telling me that nothing will change his mind. He did agree to seeing a doctor, but I really doubt he'll be forthright with them as he claims he will. For his sake, I hope that he will, but the more and more we go along, I just do not see it. I've lost faith in his ability to be truthful to me.