Hello World.

The sun sure is shining down on me, and it's not just because I'm now living in Texas. But, that may have a lot to do with it. I feel at peace with myself and things are just going really well. I weighed in and lost a little over this last week, but it has taken some getting used to. I've had to adjust my eating patterns since I'm now staying with my grandparents until I get back on my feet. I haven't been able to work out as much, but I hope that is about to change as I get more settled.

I weighed in today at 247.6. I guess that's not too shabby for right at three months. Just call me 4's as I've lost 44.4 lbs. I have been keeping up with logging and drinking lots of water. That is great for me, but I know that this last weekend didn't help. I went out with my dad, and although I did not drink drink, I did have some soda. I tried to keep it to mainly diet, but even that doesn't help in the weight loss side of things. Oh well... it was fun and I can always walk it off later, right?

Here's to me... my smile is bigger than Texas and the stars are shining brightly every night that I walk. I just love it!!!

How about this for some good news today? I knew I hated pictures of myself, but at least I took a couple here and there so I could do some comparisons.This is uplifting during this sad, end of my current life. Yet, I know that God has great things in store for me and I'm interested to see what they are as I continue to grow stronger and find myself.

I am extremely upset and I'm having all of these emotions that I just, quite frankly, do not know how to deal with. My husband is so sure that he wants a divorce, and there is absolutely nothing that I can do to change his mind. None of it is about me at all, but I've been put into the middle of it and now I'm the one that is getting punished. Maybe I should be happy that it wasn't 30 years down the road, but honestly, nearly 12 years of my life spent dreaming with someone else is long enough and it does not make it any less painful. I cannot stop crying and now I'm just angry. I don't know where to go from here.

On the weight loss side of things, I made my 40 pound mark so that is something at least to be proud of. In the light of things, I don't even think about it much. I was so excited to fit into jeans that were three sizes smaller, but even that only lasted a few minutes. Nothing compares with how I'm feeling. Lord, I pray that I can find more clarity. I thought I found it, but obviously telling me to stay and fight is pretty pointless when I'm met with him telling me that nothing will change his mind. He did agree to seeing a doctor, but I really doubt he'll be forthright with them as he claims he will. For his sake, I hope that he will, but the more and more we go along, I just do not see it. I've lost faith in his ability to be truthful to me.

I am updating my picture trend. As of today, I am down 38 lbs and currently weigh 254 lbs. Perhaps the divorce diet is doing well for me. Who knows what's really going on with that. I put it all into God's hands and I have faith that He'll take care of me, and put me on whatever path I am supposed to be on. In the meantime, I started this journey for me and I'm going to continue it for me. This is what I need to do, and maintaining focus is the best course of action.

I made a nice dinner tonight. An idea on Pinterest allowed me to customize it to my liking. I sliced red potatoes, squash, red onions, and kitchen-cut green beans. Then, I seasoned them with lemon juice, lemon pepper seasoning, olive oil, minced garlic, pepper, and some New Orleans spices. I popped it into the oven with a covered dish on 400 degrees for about an hour and ten minutes. Then, I sauteed thin chicken breasts with olive oil, lemon pepper, and minced garlic. In another pan, I did the same thing with some baby shrimp, but added probably a little too much New Orleans seasoning. It was a little spicy, but I didn't mind it too much. Here's a pic of the veggies just before putting them into the oven. I had to try some of the squash.. love it fresh!

So apparently I need a new life plan now.

After some conversations, we are getting a divorce. This is a terribly tough time and just overall a hard thing for anyone to have to deal with. I'm lost and hurt, and I just don't know where to go from here. I know eventually I'll pick myself up and I'll be stronger, but it's going to take some serious retraining my brain to think that way. The positive thing about this weekend is that I got down into the 250's.. just barely, but I'm there as I weighed in at 259.5 yesterday morning. Can I lose weight from crying? If so, I'm expecting some more drops.

Anyway. I'm trying to be strong and understand what it is that I can do to maintain a sense of control in my own world, wherever that world leads me.